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“Over 65 and Guess What,” by Dr. Jane Campbell

 

 

Hello Jane.

This is a whirlwind change from what we both knew growing up such a short time ago.

I used to think I was just a regular person, but not anymore . . .

I was born white, which now (whether I like it or not), makes me a racist.

 

I am a fiscal  and moral conservative, which by today’s standards makes me a fascist.

 

I am heterosexual, which according to gay folks, now makes me a homophobic. I have never belonged to a labor union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business.

 

I am a Christian, which now labels me as an Infidel.

I believe in the 2nd Amendment, which now makes me a member of the dangerous gun lobby.

I’m over 65 and retired, which makes me a useless old coot.

I think and I reason, therefore I doubt much of what the mainstream media tells me, which must make me a reactionary.

I’m proud of my heritage and our unique American culture, which makes me a xenophobe.

 

I value my safety and that of my family. . . and I appreciate the police and the (former) legal system, which makes me a right-wing extremist.

 

I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to an individual’s merits, which now makes me an anti-Socialist.

 

I, and most of the kids I knew, acquired a fair education without student loans (thanks to part-time jobs), and had an eagerness to go to work and support myself– but these days that makes me some kind of Type A capitalist.

I believe in the defense and protection of America for and by all citizens, which today makes me a pro-gun Militant.

Now, a sick old woman is calling me and my friends a Basket of Deplorable s!

Please help me come to terms with the new Me, because I’m not real sure who I am anymore!
I would like to thank all my friends for sticking with me through these sudden, new-found changes in my life and my thinking.  It’s hard to understand what’s happening these days!

 

Funny. . .  this has all taken place over the last 8 years; and if all this nonsense isn’t enough to deal with, lately I’m afraid to go into either restroom!  So, I just use the bushes.

 

Your friend, Robert